Psychologists often say that the best predictor of future behavior is behavior from the past.  Unfortunately, when past behaviors weren’t on the up-and-up, this is something less than a shining personal endorsement.

I’ll admit that as a blogger, I’m a little slack.  I don’t post all that often, and often take forever to respond to comments.  I’ve only recently started spicing up the text with graphics, and even if I’ve read an interesting post by someone else and fully intend to comment on it, usually get sidetracked and settle for a “like.”  Or worse, don’t even get to the “like” because I’ve read the post in my email, and not while logged into WordPress :\

In an effort to break a pattern of procrastinating and anti-social blog behavior, I’m going to actually respond to one of the getting-to-know-you-award nominations passed around on this site (something previously neglected, if you’ve ever seen the About page).

Gutter Blogging! Well…Sort of.

Of course, I start this early New Year’s-esque resolution and meet a topic that I purposefully, consciously tiptoe around.  Namely, le sex.  Dave of Normal Deviations, and India of Work Spouse Story have created an interesting concept —  The Gutter Blogger — and subsequent award.  The idea is to acknowledge blogs about relationships, and (if I’m understanding this correctly) those that aren’t afraid to get into the kinky stuff during the process.  India of Work Spouse’s Story, darling woman, put me on her list of people who fall into such a category.

Alas, I’m not sure I qualify.  (See: Recent post about women who don’t open up about their sex lives online.)

I’ll attempt the questions and hey, at least complete Part I:  Thanks, India, for your all too kind rec!!

And, here is *some* of the proposed Q&A:

1. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

I’m… not telling. (Sorry!)

2. What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?

That everything my quite conservative parents taught me about sex was well intended, and on some level, true.  Sex is about two people who care about each other.  I won’t say that’s the “right” or “only” way to do it, but from my experiences, the physical aspect is only as powerful as the relationship behind it.

Oh, and the whole demarcation of gay vs. straight is severely oversimplified — Sexuality is more of a spectrum than a hard-and-fast categorization.  So, yeah.  There’s that.

3. Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try? (tell us what it is)

[See response to #1…]

4.  What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?

Hmm…That’s also pretty private. *But I can tell you the most impressive sexually related feat I’ve ever witnessed.

A few years ago in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, I stepped into a strip club with a group of friends.  At first it was the usual tease-and-tango on stage, but the mood changed when two women in particular came out, both built more like extra-muscled Olympic gymnasts than strippers.  At first you could see the crowd sort of evaluating them, wondering what was going to happen next, and the men who came to see the “T” part of “T&A” were probably pretty disappointed at the rock-hard pecks revealed when their bikini tops came off.  Once these women got to the pole part, however, it was game on.  In fact, they fairly rocked the club with their performance.

Probably the most impressive aspect was that they could literally hold themselves up sideways on the pole — like, create a full 90-degree angle in the air – and hold it for like 10 seconds.  If you’re a woman (or heck, a man) and wondering what kind of upper body strength that would entail, try it sometime.  By the end, even though there was really nothing sexy about their performance, what they lacked in boobs they made up for in attention grabbing athleticism.   Cheering them on with an entire club full of drunken Mardi Gras goers was not what I expected… But pretty funny as far as bedroom-adjacent situations go.

5.  Has gutter blogging taught you anything?

Indeed.

Personally: I’m willing to disclose far more than I anticipated on the Internet.

Interpersonally:  Despite all the awfulness, anger, and misinformation that gets perpetuated online, it’s still possible to find truly terrific virtual communities.  From the thoughts expressed in their writing, it’s clear that there are some very intelligent, open-minded, and remarkable people out there.  If the opportunity ever presented, many are certainly the type I’d like to be friends with “in real life.”

6.  What is your favourite post from the person who nominated you?

This is like asking my favorite band. They’re each different and great in their own way.   I like that India’s posts are forthright and constructive, plus she writes primarily about a topic that intrigues me:  The adventures of married life.  More specifically, often married life sexual ideologies.

- As for the last part:  Nominations.

Sigh.

Okay, here’s where you’re going to learn an unflattering fact about me — I’m a bit shy.  In person and even in the “blogosphere,” I just don’t have the balls to approach others and say, “Hey!  I like your blog.  So, here’s an award and some questions about your sex life.”  So, this is officially the least exciting of all ‘gutter-related’ posts… If there’s an award for being lame and uncooperative, maybe that would be more appropriate?